Eyelash Wishes

Pretty neat, isn't it? This is a sky in Ontario, over some unsuspecting farmer's field. I was visiting family there in August, and we were driving along looking at this amazing sky, right at dusk.

Well, here we are yet again. I'm not even going to say sorry for my long absence, I mean, let's get real... there's actually probably only two people in the world who read this.

Things are crazy, life is shifting in almost inexplicable ways that are terrifying, exhilarating, and incredible. I'm looking at the end of the tunnel... I have about half a year left until I'm done highschool, and then out into the wide open world. Eek!

Plus I'm dating, which is still just slightly incomprehensible to me. I mean... still coming to grips with the idea that a person can fit so well into your life and fill the gap that you had, while not actually being a part of you. Isn't it just slightly strange that people are engineered and programmed to be WITH another person? Wouldn't it just save time to give us that partner from square one? Then we wouldn't need to search so hard for that other "One" to give us the content completeness of knowing that all is well.

Then again, maybe if we had that always, we wouldn't value it as much... And, of course, we wouldn't have that absolutely delighted surprise of finding the "One". Maybe that's it... everything's there to gift us with the end result of someone loving us, and in order to be as happy as we are about it, we need to have the surprise of actually finding out that there is someone out there who wants to love us.

But... it's hard to worry about that tonight. I'm finding myself back in the grips of insomnia, humming along to lovely dreamy indie tunes.

There are certain songs that give me very strong "visuals" or touch sensations... "Such Great Heights" by Iron & Wine makes me think of transparent scarves and dandelion clocks... you know, the fluff that children blow away for wishes? And eyelash wishes that people pick up off your cheeks.

Oh boy. I'm rambling. Goodnight! I'll get back to you when I'm a wee bit more sensible.

Uh oh...

Oops! It appears that I've fallen behind in my updates... Oh well. I'll catch you up, as best I can.

I've been swamped in a rush of events and activities that I planned for work. Some have been really great, others... not quite so. For the most part, it's been going well.

A lot of my happiness these days comes from driving. I get more comfortable every day in my skills, even though I know I'm still not really ready for big city driving, I think I'm starting to get there. I love driving late at night, when there's no one on the road, and the world is entirely quiet... it's just me and some tunes, hitting the highway. Driving at night has a way of taking my brain and hitting pause on the inner monologue. I stop worrying about things to do, and whatever issue I'm working on, and let it all just get left behind in the dark.

Of course, it does always end up catching up to me... But it's after I park the car. I just love getting that time where my only awareness is on driving, and the road.

Other than that, things are alright. I get lonely every now and then of course, but I prefer being lonely to have everyone back home and crowding the house. I love being able to have people over any time I like and not getting bothered, and I love the time to myself... most of the time. There really are nights where I scare myself silly though, but usually I just crank up some music and chase all the shadows out of the house.

I've been seeing people plenty, though still not as much as I'd like... but that's been keeping me reasonably sane. I'm planning some fun trips for next week, so I'll let you know how it goes!

3 weeks until leaving for Ontario... who's excited?! (Imagine my hand shooting into the air... a la Hermione Granger.) - And if you people did not get that Harry Potter reference, you have no business reading this blog!

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada Day everyone! Hopefully you're spending it with family and friends, and having a great time.

So things are good here... I had to rush home to Kwatsi on the 28th in order to help my dad. He's on crutches because his knee is so bad (he really does need surgery again...), and my mom and brother had to be in McNeill a little longer. So, I phoned my boss and basically said, I have to be out of town for a week.

I was here for a yacht club coming through... (plenty interesting...) and my mom and Russell came home yesterday. Now I'm just waiting for a ride out to appear so I can get back to McNeill and back to work.

A real stress has recently been taken out of my life, in the form of a friendship being saved. Things were super stressful with this friend, but all's been forgiven now as neither he, nor I, feel as pressured. Amazing, the things that can be fixed by someone gaining a significant other!

Not much else to report... I'm not going to be happy to have to leave to go back to McNeill, but I'll be okay as soon as I'm out and I've been there for a bit. It's just so nice to be home, it'll be hard to leave!

Exciting milestones!

Today, I can definitely say, was a great one. I write this as an N driver! Once I have my own car, I'm officially free as a bird. All I have to do is work my butt off this summer and next year, and then I'm good.

I was thinking today about milestones. Turning 1, then 3, then 5, then 10... They're all big ones when you're young. And then you hit your teens, 13, 16 (and your L license), 17 (your N), 18 (voting and a legal adult), and 19.

Being able to drive on your own is just one of those huge markers in your life, when you realize you're growing up! For me, this year will be a big one... A summer on my own entirely, a full time job, being able to drive... And this fall, my last year of highschool. It's crazy, how fast it all moves...

One Week until Summer!

So, interesting developments! I now have a summer job running all teen events for the summer. It's not really what I want to do in my heart, really, I just want to go home for a month.

But, what're you going to do? I have to have work over the summer, so I can afford a car next year. I need one, for going to university.

Ah well, I'll stop worrying as best I can and just roll with it.

Hey... I'll be living on my own for 8 weeks! And then off to Ontario. Hopefully things are interesting.

Sunsets in McNeill

What a sight, hmm? These gorgeous sunsets of the past few days make me like to sit outside and ponder.

What's new, you may ask... Well, okay, truth be told... I know you don't ask! Since precious few people read this pathetically sad excuse for a blog.

New? I'm searching for summer work, living every day through school as I sit impatiently indoors, waiting for summer to hurry up and get here.

At the moment it feels very much like my life is moving much too quickly for me to get a handle on, and also entirely too slow. As per usual, I'm a contradiction! I want summer to hurry and arrive, but also take its time so that I can wait and savour my last days of nice and simple Grade 11. I feel as though I'll be completely swamped in Grade 12 all too soon, but I want to hurry and get out, in order to go into university!

There are times when it all feels so completely complicated and consuming... but then all I need to do is stop for a moment, and watch the sun set, or look at the stars, or even just close my eyes and breathe... and it all melts away. It's silent and still, just for one frozen moment in time.

And then, of course, the sun sets completely, or the stars continue on their spiraling way, or someone yells at me to make sure I'm still alive. And it's lost, and I'm back on my harried way.

I think the crucial thing is always to stop and catch those moments whenever possible, keep them close and hold them to you when you need a little peace. I know, it's a hard thing to keep in your mind from day to day... but SOMETIMES I can stay slightly more sane with it! Mostly though, I'm just simply crazy.

Status of council projects... Complete! For now...

Thanks Matt, for letting me borrow your back for this one...

So, that's that! We have not only pulled off a successful youth conference, but also a youth panel at a Health Network meeting, full on plans for a Peer Counseling network in NISS next year, a solid and formulated plan for Youth Housing in Port McNeill, and a recent trip to Port Alberni to attend their conference.

I got back yesterday, and after 3 days with zero sleep? I'm ready for a 12 hour plus period of not having to think. Or remember anything. Or really do anything, except breathe. And maybe breathing optional.

Get this gang... as of now? I only have 5 meetings/appointments to be at. FOR THE WHOLE WEEK. That's a record! The fewest meetings in a week I've had for 2 months.

On another note, I'm home alone again! I got left at home for 5 days while my mom went to Kwatsi... and then she was home for an hour, and I went to Port Alberni. Then I got back late on Thursday night, saw her for a few minutes this morning, and she left this afternoon for Vancouver while I was still in school. I think my mom may have figured out that I can take care of myself, mainly... I'm still iffy on the remembering to eat part.

And with that, I'm going to call it a night. I'm completely wrecked, so hopefully I'm off to hit my pillow and pass out. Peace and love!

Mainland girl, forever!

Who else is excited when they receive their first phone bill? Really. If you think of anyone, let me know.

So, what's new you may ask?

I'm sick. Yes. Right now, when I have the Youth Conference next week, a rash of tests all week long, and a hell of a lot of stress?

The universe chooses to give me a lovely smacking big virusy kiss.

More late night rambles... without meaning.

Late night ramblings do tend to drag on... I know... I'm sorry. It's my second post of the night, I guess I'm on a roll! My problem is nothing meaningful to say. So... I'm putting some unfinished song lyrics/poetry/madness up. Just because it's terribly bad!

I know, okay, most of my stuff is "message" stuff. (Ugh, that was incredibly inarticulate...) Strange, yes. Corny, yes. What I want to write? Usually!

Working title : Sunshine for a New Day

Today I woke up and saw the sun stream in,

And I thought no, we can never forget the sin.

That sin of not listenin' to each other,

We need to remember that we are brothers.

You know our brother Marley sang of one love,

So we should never forget the dove.

If we lose the predjudice and work together,

The combined strength can break the tether.

You know this hate, it weighs us down.

It makes the earth renounce her crown.

She says "No, I will not be your mother,

"Until you learn to love each other."

Until everyone stops their lies,

They cannot hear their children's cries.

And you know until everybody listens,

There is just no way we can ever win.

So everybody please, today

Remember that there is just one way.

If we want peace and love to bring,

We have to open our mouths and sing.

Snow, in May!

A really bad shot, I know... But this was my day.

I woke up, started off my day... And of course, this being Port McNeill, it was pouring. Like... honest to god, serious heavy duty stingingly cold rain. Not fun!

So, I texted someone to complain about it being disgusting. We griped about it a bit... And then, magically, the rain stopped.

Yes. It stopped. In Port McNeill. In the middle of a storm. The sun came out!

I loved it, I stood outside for a second and thought "Thanks, universe. I appreciate your sarcastic sweetness to start my day."

And then it started snowing. And hailing. And driving sleet down my neck on my walk later.

And then tonight... it looks like this!

Gotta love the North Island.

Summer's Around the Bend!

Nearly. NEARLY. I can feel it in the air.

I am, of course, as always, completely and entirely run off my feet being busy! But things are good, in a fast paced way, and I'm enjoying school more than I ever have this semester. Okay, okay, it's still not FUN... but it's school.

Things with my family have been rough going, between my brother and his craziness, my mom and her work issues, and my dad never being around, it gets... interesting. Sometimes feels like I'm the only semi-stable person around... which is very disturbing...

Anyways... I really don't have much to say today! I can't wait for summer, I'm getting anxious for it. I want to get ON with my life, and just not do highschool anymore... I'm getting really quite tired of it.

I've been busy running plans for our annual youth conference, which this year is being held in McNeill. (Incidentally, heard a good one for the spelling of McNeill today -thank you Kelly- McNeill makes you Ill) I'm one of two youth coordinators for the event, which is fun, daunting, and exhausting. It's not that it's hard, it's just a matter of juggling 4 or 5 meetings and events daily.

Ah well! It's life, and the struggle makes me grow, and growing is always good.

Tech Challenged

Okay! Here we are again. Minutes after I decided to get another post up, and discovered that my last one never went up... well done me. Yes, thanks, I do know I'm tech challenged.

I decided that it takes forever to upload pictures this way. *sigh*

So news... hmm. I've been working like crazy... GSA, Youth Council, school, the list goes on. A friend tells me... "Girl, stop! You're way too efficient, it's scary!"

I think she may be right. I'm sure I appear to be an abnormally productive teen. But I don't FEEL like it. Sure, I feel like I'm busy all the time, and there's always a new project on the go. But it really doesn't feel like I do enough. I'm really quite frightened that once I get out of highschool here in McNeill, and go into university, I'll be entirely lost. I won't be able to handle the pressure of courses, etc etc.

I know, don't worry about it until I need to... but I can't help it. I always worry.

Signing off for now... I'm working on uploading all the Youth Council events coming up onto our Facebook group. I love exam week when all our exams are over! So much TIME...